1
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,960
(HUMS CONTENTEDLY)

2
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,520
Oi! (HONKS HORN)

3
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,560
What the hell?

4
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,680
I'm gonna punch your tits in.
What?

5
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,320
I'm gonna punch your tits in.

6
00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:21,960
(THINKS) "Punch my tits in?

7
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,080
"That's not a good threat at all.

8
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,560
"What does it mean?
Punch them in where?

9
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,040
"There's already a lot in.

10
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,320
"Like, this whole bit is in.

11
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,720
"Maybe she means she'll punch them in
even further?

12
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,440
"So they're poking through my back,
is that it?"

13
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,600
(SPEAKS) That threat makes no sense.
Are you not listening?

14
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,280
I'm gonna punch your tits in.
I need a threat that makes sense.

15
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:47,200
Like, "I'm gonna smack you so hard
you'll wear your snot like a scarf."

16
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,240
That's good.
Right!

17
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,080
Snot like a scarf.
You're picturing it!

18
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,320
I'm sorry.
I get it.

19
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,160
Thank you.
I'm really sorry about that.

20
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,840
Pick your shit up.
I'm sorry.

21
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,680
Thanks, mate.
You have a good one.

22
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,040
(THEME MUSIC)

23
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,360
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

24
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:13,840
How are you?

25
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,040
(AUDIENCE ROARS)

26
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,040
Listen, you know,
I don't know a lot of stuff,

27
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,200
but I know I don't like exercise
and that I've baked my last cupcake

28
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,240
for school.

29
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,560
Like, I would still
recreationally bake a cupcake.

30
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,600
But schools and fundraisers...

31
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,280
By March this year...
So, the school starts in February.

32
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,320
By March, we're already at
three bake sales at our school.

33
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,560
I went to the principal, I said,
"Sorry, what shit is this?

34
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,880
"What are we fundraising for?
Why do we keep doing bake sales?"

35
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,320
And she goes, "Oh, we need
a shade net for the playground."

36
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,400
I said, "And how much money
are you hoping to make?"

37
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,080
She goes, "$300." I go,
"I'll give the money right now."

38
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,520
(LAUGHTER)

39
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,520
I said, "I can go buy the shade net.

40
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,600
"I'll come back with a ladder.
I've got to try...

41
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,640
"I'll just put it up."

42
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,560
And she goes,
"No, we must work together."

43
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:00,720
(LAUGHTER)

44
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,480
And it's not even the fundraising
that is...that I'm against.

45
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,600
It's when you find out
about those cupcakes.

46
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,640
Now, I'll give my kids credit.

47
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,080
Like, I normally...
the night before, at about 11:00,

48
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,440
when I've been trying
to put that little shithead in bed

49
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:16,800
so many times...

50
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,680
You put them there and they come,
"I'm thirsty. I'm hungry."

51
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,960
I have made a lasagne at this stage.
(LAUGHTER)

52
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,720
And this kid
keeps getting out of bed,

53
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,560
and by 11:00
comes out with a piece of paper

54
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,120
that's all tatty and it's wet.

55
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,160
It's always wet.

56
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,080
Anything that comes out
of their school bag is wet.

57
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,960
This is the instructions
for the cupcakes.

58
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,720
"Oh, you need 300 cupcakes
by morning. This is fantastic."

59
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,040
I don't even mind
making the 300 cupcakes.

60
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,240
But how do you transport
300 cupcakes?

61
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,320
Because you can't stack them,
can you? No.

62
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,880
Now I'm looking for a Tupperware
that's 12m by 8m wide...

63
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:50,920
(LAUGHTER)

64
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,240
..and a car to transport
that kind of shit.

65
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,320
(LAUGHTER)

66
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,600
You flip that pamphlet over
and on the back

67
00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:00,360
there's roughly 20 things that you're
not allowed to put in the cupcakes.

68
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,400
That's right.

69
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,680
Because these little shits
are allergic to everything now.

70
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,800
There are kids
who's allergic to chocolate.

71
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,240
Give up.
(LAUGHTER)

72
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,360
That's it. Give up.
There's no hope for you.

73
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,200
And it's not these kids' fault
that they have all these allergies.

74
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,240
It's our fault.

75
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,000
Do you remember when you were a kid?

76
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,600
Who had kids that went to school
with them with allergies?

77
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,120
Exactly.
Do you know why?

78
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,400
Because our parents
knew how to fuck.

79
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,760
(LAUGHTER)

80
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,840
They made decent human beings.

81
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,240
It's our fault -
we're making substandard people.

82
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,800
(LAUGHTER)

83
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,280
None of these kids can eat nuts

84
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,360
because we've been eating
so much crap.

85
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,840
When we were kids,
your fingers were always orange.

86
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,440
Do you remember
the chips we used to eat?

87
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,560
And then for three days
you'd just have orange hands.

88
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,920
(LAUGHTER)
And now we all have fertility issues.

89
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,760
So now we all have to go through IVF.

90
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,520
That's why these kids
are allergic to nuts

91
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,240
because they've never been
near a pair.

92
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,040
(LAUGHTER)

93
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,840
(BELL RINGS)

94
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,840
Nut-free, gluten-free. Sugar-free.
Yuck.

95
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,600
This isn't sweet at all.
I think you'll find it is sweet.

96
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,400
Mm-mm.
Sweet potato, that is.

97
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,400
Oh. OK.

98
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,040
Sorry, do you have anything
with, um...

99
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,120
..with real sugar in it?

100
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,040
No. Sugar is poison.

101
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,600
No nuts, no gluten, no sugar.

102
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,720
Hmm. No taste.

103
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:24,880
Psst.

104
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,520
Hey, you want the real sugar treats?
Come on.

105
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:28,560
Cook's been cooking.

106
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,240
Gluten-free and sugar-free.

107
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:39,160
Welcome to the tuck shop.
Oh, nice set up.

108
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,560
(EXCITING MUSIC)

109
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:46,880
I've been blackmailing the janitor

110
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,840
with photos of him
and the home-ec teacher,

111
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,160
so I got keys to the kingdom,
thank you, my friend.

112
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,920
Hey, ladies,
are we still running at full purity?

113
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,600
95% sucrose, boss.

114
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,640
Love to hear it. Love to hear it.
That is good stuff.

115
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:00,680
It's tight, mate.

116
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,040
You know, in here, this is where
we make the canteen food.

117
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,680
Out there, they've got carrot sticks
and quinoa slices.

118
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,960
Up in here, you see,
we've got the sours here.

119
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,600
We've got some marshmallows,
full-sugar popcorn.

120
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,160
There's snakes, jelly beans,

121
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,800
rainbow strips
because we're pro-homosexual.

122
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,840
We have caramel, vanilla...

123
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,760
Every flavour you can think of,
we've got it in there.

124
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,200
This is incredible.

125
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,520
Oh! Whoa!

126
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,560
Hey. Hey, rookie, you wanna go ahead
and pace yourself here.

127
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,680
This stuff is pure.
That thing's gonna hit you.

128
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:30,760
And before you know it,

129
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:34,080
you're gonna be bouncing off the
walls like you're at Year Nine camp

130
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,200
getting finger-banged
for the first time.

131
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,400
Hey, that happened in Year Eight.

132
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,880
Hold on. What are these?

133
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,080
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

134
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,800
Do you inject these?
No.

135
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,000
Play a little tune on them.

136
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,600
(BLOWS WHISTLE AND CHANGES PITCH)

137
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,600
I'm like the Pied Piper
for sugar addicts.

138
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:05,880
How'd you get those in?

139
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,920
Actually, Lyn here

140
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,920
brought 14 of these boxes
over for us in her anal cavity.

141
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,080
They taste a bit gamey
until you lick them a few times,

142
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,960
then they're all good.
Yeah, on the nose.

143
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,000
Yeah,
I can see a seed on that one, Lyn.

144
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,400
She's a trouper.

145
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,080
I do actually want to talk to you
about something,

146
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,240
because I can see
a lot of myself in you.

147
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,880
And I need someone to run
the operation over at Boy Scout Hall,

148
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,040
and I think that can be you.

149
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,560
Oh!
Tell me you can do it.

150
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,120
Yeah. Yes!
Yeah? You can?

151
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,800
Yes, yes!
Yes, yes.

152
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:36,520
(LOUD BANG AND SIREN)

153
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,160
This is a raid. Nobody move.
You set me up!

154
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,880
I didn't.
You did!

155
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:45,040
You set me up.
I did not!

156
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,200
(LYN LAUGHS)

157
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,000
Lyn, what have you done?

158
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,520
Oh, my name's not Lyn.

159
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,880
It's Glynn.

160
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,920
How could I have been so blind?

161
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,680
95% sucrose, huh?

162
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:01,880
Mind if I...

163
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,200
..dib the tip?

164
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,240
I wouldn't.

165
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,440
Eugh! Is that chemicals?

166
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,840
Yeah, it's real drugs.

167
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,920
There was a mix-up at the port.
That was disgusting.

168
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,480
Oh, I've gotta pick up Abigail
from gymnastics.

169
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,960
Get her out of here.

170
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,200
Well, you're cooked, sweetie.
You're on drugs now!

171
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,840
I've got a whole brick
in my arsehole.

172
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:24,920
You shouldn't worry
about your nipples.

173
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,600
She's got great nipples.
Oh, really?

174
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,840
I do.
Play your cards right and you'll see.

175
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,680
I'm being rude.

176
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,760
That was fun.
Yeah, so good.

177
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,240
Yeah.
More fun soon.

178
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,800
Here we are in the light.

179
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,600
Can't believe
I'm going out with two women.

180
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,120
It's always been a fantasy.

181
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,240
We've always wanted
a man around here.

182
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,360
Question -
if you two are into women...

183
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,000
Mmm?
..what do you need me for?

184
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,960
There is a certain thing
that a man can do that no woman can.

185
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,760
Are you ready to work for us,
big boy?

186
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,080
Ladies,
I'll do anything you want me to do.

187
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,840
Amazing! Well, come on.

188
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,480
Open it.
Yeah.

189
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,840
Just...

190
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,520
..open the jar?
Open it.

191
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,360
Oh, yes!
Yeah!

192
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,400
(LIDS POP)

193
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,120
Oh, what about this one?
That's a good one.

194
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,680
It was open,
but now I can't get it open again.

195
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,320
(LIDS POP)
(PURRS)

196
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,960
Jam.
Is this SandM?

197
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,760
It's pickles.
Ah-ah-ah!

198
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,400
(GROANS) Pickled onion.

199
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,200
(LID POPS)
I need a rest.

200
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,840
Come on.
You're doing a really good job.

201
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,040
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

202
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,880
I told you,
I knew that would get him.

203
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,960
(LID POPS)
Orange marmalade.

204
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,480
(BOTH CHANT) Open, open!

205
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,120
Feel my nipples but without touching.

206
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,000
Oh.
Slut!

207
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,920
I'm exhausted.
You're OK.

208
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,160
(WEAKLY) Oh, ladies, please?
Do we have some Voltaren?

209
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,320
(LID POPS)

210
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,080
I've had enough. I'm exhausted.
I need a rest.

211
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,600
This is the last one.
(THREE LIDS POP)

212
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,400
Last one.
Mhm-hm, mhm-hm.

213
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,560
Jesus! Yes! Open it up!
This is the one.

214
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,640
You can do it.
Come on!

215
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,440
Shoot that hot load.
Come on!

216
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,560
(CHEERING)

217
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,200
Yes!
Oh, incredible!

218
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,760
Look at you!
Oh, my god. good job.

219
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,800
Look at this.
Oh, my god. Was that good for you?

220
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:08,960
No, it was really good.

221
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,440
It was something.
I loved it.

222
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,960
Baked pasta pomodoro?
Yep

223
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,200
I'll make a rocket salad.
Good. Yum.

224
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,280
I can't believe
how long that took him.

225
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,480
Oh, look at the little guy.
He's all tuckered out.

226
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,280
Oh! So cute.
So cute.

227
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,920
Oh, no. No, no. Leave it.

228
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,560
He can take it out
when he wakes up.

229
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,600
(APPLAUSE)

230
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,760
Look, we're all here.
We believe in science, right?

231
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,840
Even if you're one of those people
who do your own research,

232
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,040
you're a scientist, whatever, fine.
(LAUGHTER)

233
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:42,640
I do believe, though, that science
sort of favours men's medicine

234
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,480
a little bit stronger,
wouldn't you say?

235
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:45,880
(AUDIENCE MEMBERS AGREE)
Yeah.

236
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,400
And men are too scared to answer.
I respect that.

237
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,080
Make some noise

238
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,920
if you're a woman who has been
to the doctor with mastitis.

239
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,480
(WHOOPS FROM THE AUDIENCE)
Yeah.

240
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,160
Mastitis, if you don't know,

241
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,280
is a condition,
when you're breastfeeding,

242
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,960
your tits get so hard -
harder than dating in your 50s.

243
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,960
They are hot. They are inflamed.
It is so painful.

244
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,720
You just walk around naked
around the house like this.

245
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,440
I don't know why your balls
are sore too, but there you go.

246
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:12,480
(LAUGHTER)

247
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,880
You remove all the curtains
in the house

248
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,480
just in case a breeze comes
and touches that tit.

249
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:18,520
It is so painful.

250
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,120
And do you know
what a doctor will tell you?

251
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,240
A medical professional
with a certificate on the wall

252
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,760
will look you
straight in the eye and go,

253
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,000
"Yeah, just pop some cabbage leaves
on that."

254
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,360
(LAUGHTER)

255
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:32,400
"Sorry. What?"

256
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,000
"You don't have leeches
in a fridge here somewhere

257
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,160
"you can chuck on the tits
so it can suck it out? No?"

258
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:43,960
I firmly believe that if mastitis
were to happen to men's balls,

259
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:48,520
like, if your balls got hot
and inflamed and enlarged, right,

260
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,200
a man would just walk out
into the middle of town square

261
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,800
and there'd be some war cry like...
(ULULATES)

262
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,360
(LAUGHTER)
(CONTINUES TO ULULATE)

263
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,400
And all the townsfolk will convene.

264
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,320
We'll all stand around this man,

265
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,960
and the Pope would come
and do some seance on your balls.

266
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,320
And bam, you're healed.
(LAUGHTER)

267
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,680
Meanwhile, all the women are standing
around smelling like a cabbage patch.

268
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,160
(LAUGHTER)

269
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,320
Yeah, I see.

270
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,520
Good afternoon,
Mr and Mrs Heterosex-ualay.

271
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,040
How can I help you two cuties today?

272
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:23,720
You go first.
No, you go.

273
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,960
I actually
haven't been feeling too good.

274
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:30,800
I have a cough and light-headedness
and also chills.

275
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,120
It sounds like you've got that
really bad flu that's going around.

276
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:38,840
I'm gonna prescribe some antibiotics
for you.

277
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,600
OK.
And rest.

278
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,120
That's the most important part here.

279
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,080
Mhm-hm.
No house chores for six months.

280
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,400
OK.
Yeah.

281
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,680
Don't you crack now.
I won't, doctor.

282
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,320
Thank you, thank you.
You're a lifesaver.

283
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:55,080
Um, hi. Sorry, um,
I actually have the same symptoms -

284
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,560
headaches, chills and the works.

285
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,200
OK. Well, shall we have a look
at how we can cure you?

286
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,920
What? Here we go.

287
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,000
What is that?

288
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,880
This is the latest
in women's health research.

289
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,120
Oh, I see here
you can boil cabbage leaves

290
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,720
and put those on your tatas
and that'll make them feel great.

291
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,160
Oh, OK, alright.

292
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,120
Well, you can take used coffee grinds

293
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:29,520
and just slowly
shove it up your anal cavity.

294
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,960
OK, maybe not that one.

295
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,040
How about this one?

296
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,560
You can shove a jade egg
right up your...

297
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:35,640
How's that going to help?

298
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:39,320
Oh. Oh, I can see
we're going to be fussy today.

299
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,040
You're a bit of a fusspot.

300
00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,960
Maybe I should make you
a special brew.

301
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,720
A what?
I've heard about this.

302
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,200
Is that a witch's hat?
It's a doctor's hat.

303
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,240
Have some respect.

304
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,440
Fresh pot for the fusspot.

305
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,240
Some rat tail.

306
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,480
Feathers. I plucked this myself.

307
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,320
That chicken never saw it coming.

308
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,640
Oh, eyeballs!

309
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,160
Yes, all the eyeballs.

310
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,960
Have you got anything else?
Maybe your titties are sore.

311
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,560
You got sore titties?
Maybe you got some anxiety.

312
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,040
I've actually been getting anxiety
when I go on planes.

313
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,560
Have you?
I have.

314
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,280
Hey, I want you to know
that's completely normal.

315
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,320
It is?
Yes.

316
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,640
I'm going to give you
the strongest Valium that I can.

317
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,400
It's just so good to be seen.

318
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,720
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(CACKLES)

319
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,440
Drink.
No!

320
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,840
Drink it!
No!

321
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,280
I don't want
this weird women's treatment.

322
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:38,280
Just treat me like a normal patient.

323
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,800
OK.

324
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,960
Well, from what I can see,

325
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,520
you carry a lot of extra weight.
Mmm.

326
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,760
You want to lose some of that.
Mmm.

327
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,680
It's going to make you feel lighter.

328
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,200
Also, have you tried smiling?
Is that an attitude thing?

329
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,600
Try it? (LAUGHS INSINCERELY)

330
00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,120
Don't you feel better?
I feel better.

331
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,120
Alright, husbands, eyes front.

332
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,760
Welcome to Lesbian's Guide
To Being A Husband.

333
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,560
You know how they say you give a man
a fish and he eats for a day?

334
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,040
Love fish.

335
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,920
But teach a man to lesbian

336
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,320
and he'll be drowning in wife pussy
for the rest of his days.

337
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,640
(LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING)

338
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:27,920
That's right.
(SPLASHING SOUND)

339
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,160
Ohh, let me drown, let me drown!

340
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,760
That's weird.
(LAUGHTER STOPS)

341
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,680
OK. Lezzon 1,
Attention To Detail.

342
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,720
Husband number one,
I'm gonna be your wife.

343
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,120
In your dreams!

344
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,760
And I'm wearing
my straight-lady cardigan.

345
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,120
Ooh, and feeling it now.

346
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,680
(HIGH VOICE)
I think I just broke a nail.

347
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,320
(GIGGLES)

348
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,760
I made spag bol...again.

349
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,880
(GIGGLES)

350
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,440
What is wrong with my outfit?

351
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,760
Oh, I know.

352
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,280
Uh, there's nothing wrong.

353
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,000
You look great, honey.

354
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,640
Wrong.

355
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,720
The tag was sticking out
the whole time.

356
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:03,840
Boys!

357
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,200
(DISTORTED AUDIO)

358
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,360
Cannot let your wife
walk around the mall

359
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,680
with 4XL sticking out
of a cardigan.

360
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,280
That is a divorceable offence.

361
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:16,520
Lezzon 2,
Argue Like A Girl.

362
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:21,320
Husband number two, I am your wife.
I'm coming to you with a situation.

363
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:22,400
Are you ready?

364
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:24,960
(SHOUTS) Put that toilet seat down!

365
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,120
How many times
do I need to tell you that, Toby?

366
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,640
I'm sick of your shit!

367
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,960
(CALMLY) Now, how are you gonna
win that argument?

368
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,840
Honey, I just realised
it's your period tomorrow

369
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,760
and that is why you're upset.

370
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,440
I'm going to give you full marks
for courage.

371
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,520
Thank you.
And double marks for stupidity.

372
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:47,160
You play the period card,
your marriage is over.

373
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,200
Lezzon 3...

374
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,400
How to make
your woman scream

375
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,640
but not in fear
or disgust, OK.

376
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,280
Husband number three.

377
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,840
Let's pretend I'm attracted to you.

378
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:01,720
Try and seduce me.

379
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,600
(SULTRY MUSIC)

380
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,640
Hey. You wanna get busy?

381
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,640
Yeah!
(MUSIC STOPS)

382
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,640
Now, who wants to tell me
what he did wrong?

383
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:13,800
Apart from everything.

384
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:15,960
Wrong?

385
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,000
Oh, I know.

386
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,760
He undone his shirt buttons...
He did.

387
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,160
..when he should've undone
his pants.

388
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,800
(LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah.
Let the dick out!

389
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,000
(SLAPS ARM ON DESK)
(MEN LAUGH)

390
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,280
Can I just say
straight women are extremely brave.

391
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,960
Honestly, boys,
you want to fold your wife over?

392
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,480
I do.
You gotta fold a towel.

393
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,320
Boom, boom, boom.

394
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,520
Done. You try it.

395
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,280
What is this wizardry?

396
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,320
Fold it.

397
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,680
OK. Sorry, sorry.
Can I help you?

398
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,680
I just need to pick up my husband.
Darren, we're late.

399
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,640
Wait, wait, wait. Why don't you
show your wife what you learned?

400
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,200
Yeah, you got it.
Go on, mate.

401
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,600
You got it.
Go on.

402
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,920
Uh...
Do it.

403
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,000
Hey, honey.

404
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,520
(ROBOTICALLY)
Your tag is hanging out.

405
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,720
Is it?

406
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,280
Nuh.
No, it's not. Darren!

407
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,760
Oh, you must be on your period.

408
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,400
What?! Darren.

409
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,000
Um, check this out.

410
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,560
What am I supposed to do
with that, Darren?

411
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,120
(SNIFFS)

412
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,080
I'm afraid Darren's a lost cause.
What?

413
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,880
I, however, am fully house-trained.

414
00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,080
And I've got a van out the front.
Do you want to get out of here?

415
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:27,680
Yeah, I do.
Oh, wow.

416
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:28,720
Bye, Darren.

417
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,880
She's good.

418
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,560
(APPLAUSE)

419
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,440
Do you know, when I was young,
I just assumed that

420
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,800
drugs, rock'n'roll and wild sex
would ruin my life.

421
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,880
But it wasn't that at all.
(LAUGHTER)

422
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,920
It's TikTok.
(LAUGHTER)

423
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,680
TikTok is busy ruining my life.

424
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,920
Simple things
that you think you know how to do,

425
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,600
like how to get the avocado
separated from its skin.

426
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,480
It's easy -
you cut it open, take a spoon,

427
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,200
slop it on a plate,
and you're done.

428
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,920
But no,
on TikTok they do it different.

429
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,800
They peel the outside off
and then they cut it in half

430
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,240
and they slice it in slices and they
put it on a board, like, crrrrring!

431
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,800
Have you seen that?
It looks sexy.

432
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,640
(LAUGHTER)
And I was like, I'm gonna do that.

433
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,480
I didn't do that.
(LAUGHTER)

434
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,360
Cause I go and I get my avocado
and I get home and I peel it,

435
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,760
and then there's
all these black dots all over it.

436
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:30,000
And I was like,
"Oh no, my avocado is diseased."

437
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,760
But it was not diseased, was it?

438
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,760
No, it's people in my community

439
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,560
who would go and squeeze the shit
out of that avocado.

440
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,120
All those black dots
are people in my community's fingers.

441
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,200
It just drove me nuts.
Like, who would do that?

442
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,440
Like, why are you squeezing anything?
You're not a farmer.

443
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,480
(LAUGHTER)

444
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,800
This may come as no big surprise,
but I do have a therapist.

445
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,040
(LAUGHTER)

446
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,680
(LAUGHS) I know.

447
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,360
It's like when I meet someone who
goes, "I've never been to therapy,"

448
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,720
I go, "Red flag, you're a red flag."
(LAUGHTER)

449
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,600
But I think my therapist
might be a red flag

450
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:09,080
because she bought me, for Christmas,
a reflective vest.

451
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:10,840
(LAUGHTER)

452
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,920
She bought me this reflective vest
because she says,

453
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,680
"Oh, you want to police what
other people do with their lives,

454
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,640
"so, here - while I'm away
for seven weeks in Europe,

455
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,520
"why don't you wear
your little reflective vest

456
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,480
"and go police
what other people are doing?"

457
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,520
I'm like, "Listen...
(LAUGHTER)

458
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,640
"..first of all, fuck you.
(LAUGHTER)

459
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,760
"Secondly..."
(LAUGHTER)

460
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,280
She's real cheap
so I have to take some shit from her.

461
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:35,520
(LAUGHTER)

462
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,120
I have to go see her so frequently.

463
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,200
You've gotta get
a budget-friendly one, you see.

464
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,520
Secondly, I don't want to police
what other people do. I don't.

465
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,440
I want you to just be able
to do your shit. Do your part.

466
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,000
(LAUGHTER)
But you don't.

467
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,600
So now I do have to police
what you do.

468
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:53,640
(LAUGHTER)

469
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,080
We've got one.

470
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,200
Tomatoes section.

471
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,800
Suspect is male, quite tall.

472
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,440
Extremely unattractive to me.

473
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,000
Strike one.

474
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:31,920
Strike two.

475
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,120
No, it's terrible.

476
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,880
Stand by.
We're gonna take the sucker down.

477
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,960
Not two-thumbing it.

478
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,600
Come on, mate, you're inside it.

479
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:50,640
It's quite good.

480
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:52,960
Hold your fire.

481
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,360
We need a clean put-back
before we can arrest him.

482
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,080
We've got him! Move, move, move!

483
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,120
What the hell? What are you doing?

484
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,160
Oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! No, ow.

485
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,160
Oh, no!
I'm being attacked by the deli boys.

486
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,240
Ow! Ow!

487
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,000
Get your tongs away from my face,
sir.

488
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,520
(YAPS)

489
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,160
Someone get these deli boys off me!

490
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,520
What are you doing?

491
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,520
What is this?

492
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,480
Oh, you thought you could
come in here in broad daylight

493
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,200
and fondle fruit?

494
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,560
My name is Urzila.

495
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,320
Special Fruits Unit.

496
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:27,280
we are charging you
with fiddling in the third degree.

497
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,480
It's not illegal
to inspect fresh produce.

498
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,520
Inspect?!

499
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:31,800
You fingered this one so much,

500
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,840
if it was a human being,
I wouldn't marry it.

501
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,320
I just want to find a ripe avocado.

502
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,320
Well, we all would love
a ripe avocado,

503
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:40,040
but now someone has to go home
with your sloppy seconds.

504
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,880
You can't arrest me.
You don't know what I can do.

505
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,720
What are you gonna do?

506
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,960
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

507
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,880
Oh! Ah! Ah! (WINCES)

508
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,680
Yeah, yeah.

509
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,080
Ah! Ah!

510
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,680
(LAUGHS)
God, you monster.

511
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:57,760
You monster!

512
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,680
Oh, gosh,
she's fingering the ice cream.

513
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,760
God, I feel sick.

514
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,680
You know what? Grab his face.

515
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,080
You're gonna watch this.

516
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,240
Oh, god!
How do you like that?!

517
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,360
How do you like that?!

518
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,640
Now you get to go home
with my sloppy seconds.

519
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,680
(SCREAMS)

520
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,520
Excuse me. Hang on.
What is going on here?

521
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,040
Oh, we found this jerk
squishing produce.

522
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,120
We've contained the problem.
Don't thank me. You're welcome.

523
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,880
I wasn't going to thank you.

524
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,880
You don't work here.

525
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,560
And I'm pretty upset
by all this mess.

526
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,000
Look at this mess.

527
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,560
Deli boys, scatter!

528
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,760
What? Hang on...

529
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,480
Oh! Door's the other way!

530
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,640
Never mind me.

531
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:37,960
You should definitely get her.

532
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,680
I'm gonna have to reduce this now.

533
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,720
(APPLAUSE)

534
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,640
Alright, well, that is the episode.

535
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,960
Can I just say a word of warning?

536
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,760
If you have a friend
who recently had a baby,

537
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,040
don't have cabbage salad
at their house.

538
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,280
(LAUGHTER)

539
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,720
Also, as you exit the building,

540
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,880
there's some cupcakes for sale
in the foyer.

541
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,640
My kid's school has a fundraiser...
(LAUGHTER)

542
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,480
..so we need a new cover
for the sandpit.

543
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,960
So if you guys can donate,
that'll be excellent.

544
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,280
Thank you. I made that myself.
It is nut-free.

545
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,960
I didn't drop my nuts
in the batter once.

546
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,520
(LAUGHTER)
Thank you so much for coming.

547
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:14,920
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

548
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:18,920
First Lezzon...

549
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,320
Did it work?

550
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,720
(LAUGHTER)

551
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:24,760
And...action.

552
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,560
Hey, I can see
a lot of myself in you, OK.

553
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:28,720
And I need someone...

554
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:29,800
(LAUGHS) Oi!

555
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,520
What? I'm doing nothing.

556
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,320
Come on. Hold yourself together.
No, no. Shh.

557
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,240
Stop talking
because I'm not strong enough, OK?

558
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,240
I see a lot of myself in you,
and I need some...

559
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,400
(BOTH LAUGH)

560
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,480
Urzila, please be professional.

561
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,800
Oh, that actually did... Sorry.

562
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,080
I actually want to talk to you
about something.

563
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,800
(BOTH LAUGH)

564
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,680
No, I've got it.
I'll carry us through.

565
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:52,960
I'll carry us.
You'll carry us?

566
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,120
I'll carry you.
(BOTH LAUGH))

567
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,600
Good afternoon,
Mr and Mrs Sexu-arlay.

568
00:23:58,640 --> 00:23:59,920
Oh. That's Heterosex-ualay.

569
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:00,960
I fucked that up.

570
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,480
(LAUGHTER)
(BABBLES)

571
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,840
You can't
arrest me!

572
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,960
You don't know what
I canna do.

573
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,600
What I canna do. (LAUGHS)

574
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,200
What I canna do, do. (LAUGHS)

575
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,560
Who are you people?

576
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,040
That's right, Fucko.

577
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:13,760
(ALL LAUGH)

578
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,720
Should we keep it?
We've never had one.

579
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,640
No, I don't know
what to do with that.

580
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,160
You have to walk it twice a day.

581
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,320
They shit in the bathroom,
on the floor.

582
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,760
(LAUGHS)

583
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:26,600
Open it, you weakling!
Use your whole hand.

584
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,320
Oh my god, let me do it,
for fuck's sake!

585
00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,600
(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHS)

586
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,600
Captions by Red Bee Media

587
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,640
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation